The Eye of the Beholder

   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What, exactly does that mean? Well, to start with, who is the beholder? Let's assume it's you, for the sake of this blog. So, beholder, what is beauty to you? Is it a field of flowers? A stream running through a mountain crevasse? A 57 Chevy in Candy Apple Red? Anything that you think is beautiful, anything at all. Just let your mind go...imagine.

   Now, let's turn to the human form. A manly form, muscles and broad shoulders? Slender hips and a great smile? Healthy, toned and tanned? Sexy, sweet and well dressed? I think we can all agree on at least one of those, right? How about women? Close your eyes, imagine... 5' 10"? long legs? Slender hips, perfect make-up... I can see her now... 115 lbs.? Oh yes... ribs and skin, no muscle tone at all... finger down her throat, laxatives in her system? The perfect model!

   What? Not the finger down the throat? Not the laxatives? Does this reality make you uncomfortable? So, how do you think the girl feels? The one who requires this extreme, just to "make the grade"? The one who hears, constantly... your putting on a few pounds, your looking "chunky", or "are you pregnant"? Simple comments, sometimes innocent, sometimes hateful... always without compassion or caring. Strange huh? We are just coming around to the idea of muscular, healthy, strong spirited women. Women who work their bodies and eat well? Women who have REAL confidence. Confidence that comes from knowing that you can take care of yourself.

   While some men may be intimidated by this, even angered by this blog. Are those the men you want your daughter to be with? Those men, who want to control, dictate to and demean women... in an effort to make themselves seem bigger, better or stronger? The men who will tell her (or you) what to do, how to act and what and where to work? Hold you back to prevent her/you surpassing their careers? I doubt that's your goal, but is it your future? Do you have the strength to take control? Be who you can be? Go where YOUR life allows you to go?

   It's time... time to set the stage for the future, for women AND their mates. It's time to expect your man to accept you as a partner, equal in life. Not bully, not dictate, not expect dinner on the table, but plan life AND meals... together. Not judge your weight, your size or your style, but encourage each other to ALWAYS be the best that you can be. Together, as a team, with common goals and dreams. Can you see it? Can you do it? Will you accept less?

   I want this for my own children. Not just the girls... all my children, boys and girls. I want my sons to love, like I do, with their hearts first. Let the eye see the person, not the "body",  let the heart give freely, and welcome love in return. I want them to inspire, to motivate and drive their partner with kindness and encouragement, not threats and ultimatums. I want them to love and be loved.

  I want my daughters to feel confidant, loved and appreciated. I want them to encourage, and motivate their partners too... it's a team effort and both need motivation and encouragement. I want them to be happy. Is that so bad? Is it so unimaginable? Yet it is so rare, so unlikely... so unexpected.

   So where do we start? How do we change this mindset? Can we change nature? Is it nature that men try to dominate women? Is it society? We can change that... right? I don't have all the answers, but I do see all the problems. I see that women try to live up to unrealistic expectations? I see men who are out of shape, yet demand that their woman lose weight and wear makeup. I see women compete with girls, trying to look younger, sexier and skinnier... to "keep up".

   How do we change it? Where do we begin? I started by letting my wife know that I love her. That I love HER, not her weight, her breasts, her butt... not her hair, her cooking, her smile... just her. The woman behind the face, the body and the smile. The woman I met and fell in love with. The woman I will help to become the best partner she can be, the person she wants to be and the happiest person I can help her to be. I am the beholder, and she is beautiful.

   If we can all do that, we can change anything. Most importantly, we can be happy, together with someone we love! Let's start there! Who knows, we may start a new trend... let's hope.


L. Randy Smithhart
Human, Man, Husband, Father, Employer, Friend, Mentor, student of life and love...always.